Season V, Round 1 Round Up

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Season V, Round 1 Round Up

The Void Vs. Leicester Mortuary 0-1

The Void kicked off the match, finding themselves torn apart by werewolf claws during a large midfield scrum. Four knockouts later, they were unable to defend as Gayna Yarde walked casually into the endzone to score at the end of the half.

With Hubert Flynn and Justin taking a nap the teams were still fairly evenly matches for the second half. A thrown rock knocked out Penny leaving The Void shorthanded. This was quickly followed by Norman being surfed off the pitch, and an uppercut from Stiliven Chuket saw Freddie the Minotaur missing the next game with a broken arm. The Void made a come back by knocking out some Zombies, but dwindling numbers left an opening for Francis Dashwood to knock the ball out of the agile Wrighty’s hands.

It looked like Leicester Mortuary would run off for a second score but all they saw for the next two bells was spinning skulls as the Void pummeled them on the counterattack. Try as they might, The Void could not get the ball back. With the last beastman that could reach the score line having been removed by a kick to the head, Goldenharp tried to dodged away to score but fell in the dust. Quarterback Wrighty completed a pass just as the final bell tolled.

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Leicester Mortuary

Da Green Curz Vs. Bloodbath and Beyond 0-2

This was a really fun match between two rookie teams. Bloodbath decided that breaking armour was far too crass, opting instead to play the game in a more gentile manner and moving the ball with ‘finesse’. Managing to score two passing touchdowns, Bloodbath achieved more success with chucking the pigskin than all of their pre-season games attempts.

Extra mention goes out to the Da Green Curz #11, Wooney; who just wouldn’t give up trying to score, committed to making something happen. Despite making numerous improbable plays in the last three bells, he couldn’t capitalise on his efforts.

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Ogrish Allstars Vs. Geheimnisnacht Gnashers 1-0

She was nervous. Pacing back and forth in the changing rooms, weaving in and out of the coffins and pens, feet shuffling through the straw and less than savoury things on the floor.
The first game of the season was about to kick off. Suddenly the whole situation, that had once seemed more like of a bit of fun, was right in front of her.

“Well it’s not like I care if I win or lose” she muttered through false laughter.
That wasn’t true though. Of course she wanted to win. She did not want to miss out playing against the famous teams!

The game, actual league standings. No one was going to go easy on her and her team. This was where the blood started flowing, or Ichor in her team’s case, and no one would be pulling their blows like they did in the friendlies. These injuries would count!
The wise woman couldn’t back out now, not with the roar of the crowd in the background. She savoured counting the coins from her share of the gate. She had played the Ogrish Allstars before and won. However, that was the friendly. With a couple of muttered incantations, she started to unpack her team.

Ridiculously Risky

The first half was true edge of the seat watching! She’d tried a new defensive tactic in the first half , keeping her Werewolves back a bit more. It almost ended in disaster. That will teach her for reading a book that was older than she was! In fact, it had been so disastrous that Christopher Lee had been smashed to pieces by the halfway mark! Fortunately, the simmering rage that kept his Wight body together was stronger and although he was useless for the rest of the game, he was going to be okay. Just a bit angrier over the next few months.

It was a ridiculously risky manoeuvre from one of her Ghouls that stopped the Ogre’s drive. She made a mental note to give Vincent Price an extra portion of rotting flesh as a reward.
The worst thing though was that her team managed to do very little damage to the Snotlings on the other team. That had been her “plan” and she had utterly failed.


By the time the half-time whistle blew, she had a Werewolf, a Wight, a Flesh Golem and a Zombie off the field. Even the Bloodweiser Babe couldn’t do anything to get the Werewolf back in, though the wise woman was sure that the Werewolf was enjoying the fussing too much to want to return. On his back with his back leg scratching an imaginary itch, Bela Lugosi was NOT A GOOD BOY!

The second half started with a riot, and even with the majority of fans following The Ogrish Allstars, the Snotlings took the brunt of the damage, strewn across the floor at the back. But disaster was even-handed. The entire left flank of The Gnashers side was concussed by the time that the rioting fans had been forcibly removed.

The second half of the game started slowly and within minutes the ogres had spread themselves across the field and blocked the drive. Risking it for a dog biscuit, Lon Chaney decided to throw the ball up the field to the waiting hands of a Peter, which to the surprise of everyone (especially the Wise Woman) worked perfectly. She began to wonder if she should start playing a more agility based game.

The wise woman’s train of thought was unceremoniously dragged back to the game when her ghoul was immediately flanked by two ogres. Deftly, Peter just managed to dodge his way back to hand back off to Lon, who grabbed the ball, turned around… and immediately fell on his face.

Blunt Force Trauma

Then disaster struck twice. An Ogre turned around and punched Boris Karloff right in the face. It typical stoic fashion the Flesh Golem stood still as the fist smashed in and the only thing to move was his head. Unfortunately, his head moved quite a bit, tearing off his shoulders, and hanging down his back. Boris tumbled to the floor. The wise woman scurried over already suspecting the worst as Boris was stretchered off the field to the Gnashers casualty box. Nothing could live through that: decapitation by blunt force trauma. As she got to his side, her tears turned to joy, as she saw that he had not only managed to put his own head back in position but had also stood up, motioning for a needle and thread! Morr praise their resilience, he was Monster of the Match for sure!

The team was still taking a pummelling with fully half of the team was carted off to the dugout, unconscious. Any team at half strength would struggle against the worst of teams, and this ogre team was as far as you could get from worst, and the Gnashers were hardly the best! So after her joy at the Flesh Golem’s survival had worn off, and she took in the rest of the field, the wise woman sat down and buried her head in her hands.

Déjà vu

With a remarkable sense of that Bretonnian “Déjà vu”, just for a second, she thought that Vincent was going to do another last second save, sacrificing himself to stop the ball. But alas, those little snots were too agile. With seconds to spare on full time, they managed to get the ball into the endzone, and score.

It could have gone a lot worse she thought. A LOT worse!
She meant to ask Boris though, did he ever get the number of that Ogre that knocked his head off?

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Simply The Best Vs. Gap Year Nightmares 0-2

Match Conceded by Simply the Best due to the installation of non-regulation plumes in their helmets.

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Gap Year Nightmares

The Sour Sea Reapers Vs. Dankrok Rancid 1-1

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Never underestimate a Goblin team. Despite being small in stature, these diminutive upstarts can hold their own, bash for bash. If I were to describe their play style, I would call it Boom Or Bust. Remember sports fans, when the fuse is lit Mr. Bomb is not your friend. The Reaper’s #1 werewolf Benecio managed to intercept Flux’s incendiary device to great effect, leaving a gap in the line of scrimmage to eventually bring the ball into the endzone. Unfortunately, the tactic didn’t work twice as he fumbled the bomb on his second attempt, causing significant carnage to his own team. A combination of casualties and goblin agility prevented the Reapers from preserving their early lead, as Dankrok Rancid played out the clock on their way to equalise late in the second half. A well matched game, with both sides giving the fans plenty of casualties to chew on.